enjoying the journey

so this engagement period has been interesting. cowboy and I got engaged at the end of january and suddenly we're in the middle of march. today i get to go pick out flowers and finalize reception center pieces. the dress is ready along with the shoes, the temple date and time are set, and the house stuff is moving along better than imagined. that all being said, it hasn't been an easy process.

i have never been engaged, so i didn't know what the experience would be like. it's been a good challenge. i know i am doing an essential thing that will be life changing and wonderful, but i've also caught onto the challenge of it too. the first week i was engaged i felt like i had been punched in the stomach. i didn't know what was right or what was wrong, and i wondered what i had gotten myself into. i never doubted my love for cowboy; i just doubted myself being in the position that i was. people around me were excited about wedding plans and I wanted to crawl under my bed and hide. what was wrong with me?

luckily that week passed, and a powerful insight came. elder holland said it best with these words, "with any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. if it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now."

when i marry cowboy in the temple we are forming an eternal family. it's the one thing that heavenly father's plan of happiness is built around. satan despises this fact and works hard to prevent the formation of an eternal family. he targeted me and continues to do so, because i still feel the temptation to retreat from this good thing. luckily i am doing well at fighting back, because, "fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened this dispensation. it is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going. " (elder holland) i can do hard things, so i totally have this covered, right now at least.

another challenge has been that hanna was engaged around the same time, and now is no longer going through with it. my heart has hurt for her, and i haven't known how to act. i have wanted to give her space and the freedom to grieve. i didn't dare speak about or talk about my own wedding, so it became taboo. she didn't make that happen, it just sort of occurred. i hope she finds happiness and peace soon.

so what does all that have to do with today? i'll tell ya, because i know you're all dying to find out. i was driving home from work yesterday and had the thought that i totally have been missing the mark. i have been so busy, overwhelmed, and stressed that i have forgotten to find joy in my engagement journey. so, i am over you stress. this is my moment, my experience, and i am going to love and embrace every moment.

so, get thee hence satan and stress and stay away.

capeesh!

a